When we think of loneliness we often think about it affecting older people, but research suggests that it’s something that affects young people much more. Over 55,000 people took part in a survey in 2018 – making it the largest survey of its kind looking into subjective experiences of loneliness. 40% of 16 to 24-year-olds said they felt lonely often or very often.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) and The Children’s Society collaborated on some research too, and they reported that a higher percentage of children aged 12 said they often felt lonely than older children. This might be to do with leaving primary school and moving up to secondary school. Leaving old friends behind and making new friendships in a new environment can be a tough time for young teens.

Childline has also reported a rise in children and teenagers using their services to talk about feelings of loneliness and isolation. They did nearly 5,000 counselling sessions for loneliness in 2017/18. Reasons for feeling this way included mental health issues, bullying and social media.

The impact of the online world

As such, it’s near impossible to talk about mental wellbeing in children and young people without thinking about the online world. Children and young people are growing up in a different world to us. In particular, screen-based activities play a big part in our children’s lives – whether that’s watching TV, gaming, or using social media to connect with friends. It’s been estimated that screen time can take up between two to eight hours a day for young people. The online world has a big influence over how our children interact with others and experience their world. There are lots of positives to this, but also worries about the impact this can have on children and young people’s mental wellbeing.

In a world where technology has enabled us to be more connected than ever, it just goes to show that this isn’t always the case. One of the biggest issues is young people comparing themselves to others online, which can lead to feelings of isolation.

What else causes loneliness in teenagers?

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Different factors, situations and circumstances can cause loneliness and isolation, including:

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• feeling misunderstood or having a sense of not ‘fitting in’; in this sense, your child might be surrounded by people, but they don’t feel connected or understood

• sports and academic ability – not being picked for a team for example can make young people feel left out

• if they are experiencing a change to their mental health or well-being, or they are managing a mental health condition

• being bullied

• living with a long-term condition or disability

• moving through the stages of being a teenager – such as moving schools or going from primary to secondary school or from college up to university

How do teenagers describe loneliness?

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It can help to understand what young people think loneliness is and what it means to them. In the ONS report, young people said that being alone was not the same as being lonely.

In fact, being alone could be a positive choice. It’s important to recognise that you don’t have to be socialising all the time and that having time on your own matters to young people.

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Young people also felt that loneliness involved feelings of being excluded, disconnected from other people and feeling unhappy with their relationships.

Importantly, children and young people said that you can feel lonely even when you’re with other people, not just when you’re on your own.

How do you know if your teenager is lonely?

It’s important to remember that everyone has different needs when it comes to being sociable. For some people, spending a lot of time alone is natural for them. To reiterate, there’s a difference between being lonely and being alone.

It might not be easy to spot clear signs of loneliness. Children and young people can be good at hiding how they feel so you might not know from the outside that anything is wrong.

Some signs that your child might be feeling lonely and isolated include:

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• low self-esteem and losing confidence in themselves and their abilities

• being sad, withdrawing and pulling away from others

• getting angry and acting out

• not wanting to try or do new things like hobbies or social activities

• taking risks such as drinking or smoking in a bid to feel accepted

Talking to your teen

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If you’re worried about your teenager’s behaviour and they are finding it difficult to open up, it might be time to have a gentle conversation with them. These tips can help you set up a safe and supportive space to talk to your child.

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Take the lead

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As the parent it’s up to you to show your child that they can lean on you for support and that they can talk to you. While some kids will come to you with their problems, others might not, so if you feel that something is wrong, it may be up to you to give them the nudge they need to open up.

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Keep your cool

It can be distressing hearing your child is struggling or unhappy, but it’s important that you try to stay calm in the face of what they tell you.